Vaginal Tightening Creams Promise To Make You Feel Like A Virgin Again

Would you like the vagina of an 18-year-old?
(Picture: Vaginal-tightening.com)

Ugh.

Someone has actually invented, packaged and is selling vaginal shrinking creams ‘so you can feel tight and wanted again’.

The pervily-named 18 Again cream costs £15.63 and will, according to the makers’, make you feel ‘younger’ and ‘sexier’ again.

Given its name one can only imagine sex after this will be over in 2 1/2 seconds and leave you feeling sore and baffled.

Still, at least now you know the secret to being ‘wanted’ again does not lie in talking through issues with your partner – it lies in a potassium alum compound.

Of course, we all know that, especially after childbirth, women’s vaginas change a bit.

Dads could just go – ‘oh, well, ta for those nine months of waddling, puking and then enduring the most painful experience of your life. Maybe I’ll just get used to the fact sex is going to feel a bit different now.’

Or they could be super clever and buy their partners one of these little tubes of awfulness.

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(Picture: Hott Products)

A different one, Hott Products’ Liquid Virgin, claims to be perfect for ‘post pregnant women’.

‘Make her feel like a virgin all over again with this amazing vaginal contracting lube,’ the jargon reads.

Why not? It’s only £3.94 for a 1oz tube.

The cream is also suitable for use by ‘not so well endowed men.’

Ooooh. It’s her fault you’re so small she can’t feel it.

Anyway, you’ll be delighted to know there are many more of these creams, including Crazy Girl Wanna Be Tight Shrink Cream –  ‘a diva’s secret for that first time feeling!’ – and Tighten It Up! V Gel.

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(Picture: Crazy Girl)

Potassium alum, also the active ingredient in Crazy Girl, allegedly encourages ‘increased blood flow to (the) area applied, to produce tightened, engorged tissue.’

The ingredient, which is often found in deodorants, apparently causes skin cells to swell so that the vaginal walls become engorged and feel tighter.

None of the US creams appear to be FDA approved,although this is not a legal requirement.