Whereas most people around the world are lamenting negative stories about the lockdown, I for one have more positive ones.
Lockdown hasn’t treated me harshly like others I hear lamenting. If not for lockdown, I may never have got the opportunity to chew the three virgins plus many other belles who had previously proved stubborn.
Like three months after the lockdown had been imposed on us, I traveled to Hoima.
I paced around my compound busy praying to God not to let your horny sons out on my innocent daughters. “Please God, protect my daughters until they’re fully grown and then give them good responsible men,” I prayed.
As I was busy worrying about the consequences of your sons outsmarting my innocent daughters, Ngabirano’s daughter and her brother came passing through my compound.
Through my property is a shortcut that directly goes through my compound linking several homes to the trading center so people often pass through.
Now this Ngabirano’s daughter called Esther has a promising figure which she got from her mom. She even walks like her mom. Elegantly, like she has ten animals, looks humble and tasty. A very adorable chick.
One glance at her and every warm blooded man be like “she deserves a bonk.”
But she is a born again and a loner which kept potential predators at bay. So whereas her age mates were busy partying, getting pregnant and all other things youths do, she would be in her garden digging at 3pm or home reading the bible or doing church or home duties.
Being a proud Mukiga, Esther never kneels when greeting and for that, conservatives branded her a manner-less youth.
Am also very sure Esther’s mama, aunties etc had told her to avoid men especially smart talkers. Am sure she and her female inner circle had discussed words men use to weaken belles.
Am sure she had learned how to verbally blast off potential predators. And I am sure lots of guys had tried her and failed. Her big plan was to marry a virgin. Guys branded her stupid.
Two of her younger sisters had a runoff with men. But Esther stayed put.
I for one never even bothered her because I was very sure I didn’t stand a chance. Because such belles never want to have anything to do with womanizers like mwah. I had twice been nabbed with their next door neighbors’ wife.
Am sure her parents and concerned citizens had warned her against me.
Until this day, we never talked beyond “hello.” Of course, there was no bad blood between us. It’s just we didn’t have a linking conversation and on this particular day, they said hello and kept on walking.
“But Mukko as you over protect your sister. Won’t you kutulemesa to give you roosters,” I said to Esther’s younger brother. They both flashed me – their eyes. Sam, her brother, quickly smiled and said he never over protects her.
“Really! When you’re always moving around with her,” I jabbed. Only for him to reply saying everyone was free to chat with her.
On hearing that I asked for his permission to have a word with his sister the answer to which was yes. She gave Sam a very mean face. Then, briefly, for less than two seconds flashed me – her eyes only to find mine locked on her.
“My wife, come I tell you something,” I said, only for her to readily reply saying “Your wife…..your wife! Since when? Don’t make me laugh when corona is killing people.” On hearing that, I reported her to her brother for being very mean.
Sam, playing along, ordered her to come hear what I had to say, to which Esther was, “omuti tegusitukira nyonyi.” On hearing this I apologized and walked towards them.
On catching up with them, I begged her not to be very tough. But before she could answer, I turned to her brother and begged him to ask her not to be very tough.
“She will kukulemesa to eat roosters,” I said.
Esther jumped in saying, “zaki ezinamutugga!”
Meanwhile, I was busy scanning her and I observed her toes were shorter than I prefer them.
Then she made the grave mistake of asking what I wanted from her before going on to wonder if I didn’t have my wives. “Do you want hajjati to thump me?”
I replied telling her – my mission was to marry three wives, of which she was the third.
That made her titter which was followed by, “I cancel that omen in Jesus’ mighty name! Nga whom do you make number three? But you muslims!”
But before I could say a word, “Azawi’s repeat it” played on her brother’s phone. And I was “dedication from me to you!”
She replied with an eyes flash and a smiling face. She seemed to think “lweyogezza!”
“But this man,” She giggled. We were on the main road at that point. On asking how many children she would produce for me, Esther replied saying she doesn’t produce and I was like, “Eeeh so I won’t get children who walk, talk and look like you.”
That prompted her to ask, “How do I walk, talk and look.”
The question was accompanied by facial expressions. The answer was “like a queen.”
To avoid the wolokoso crew, I had to stop there. But I asked Esther to write down her ten commandments. Those ten things she hates the most, I would avoid them.
Thereafter I asked my brother in law for his number so that I would start paying dowry. I bought him a monthly minutes bundle causing an ear to ear smile. “Am not party to your dealings,” Esther protested. But she stretched her neck to see how much I had sent.
As she was doing that, I retaliated against the Ten Commandments request. To which she replied with yet another flash.
We parted ways and I regretted the whole thing, thinking she was to go gossiping. “I hope her mother doesn’t attack me,” I silently prayed and wished it ended there.
But like two hours later, her brother called to thank me for the airtime bundle I had given him. Suspecting Esther to be eavesdropping, I asked about her and he said “they’ve gone to the well. Will call as soon as she returns.”
True to his word, he called like fifteen minutes later. On connecting us, I welcomed her back from the well. Then I told her how I was hungry. “Cook or go to a restaurant,” she said.
I said, “But I want to eat the food you’ve cooked.”
We got talking and she invited me over. I vowed to go. “8pm, I will be behind your kitchen by the jackfruit tree,” I said, causing her laughter.
“The dogs will be waiting for you,” she said.
´The dogs will welcome me once I tell them my mission,|’ I said.
To my surprise, Esther’s voice wasn’t as hostile as other guys had spoken of her. I sensed a bonk. But their dogs being some of the meanest meant her home was a no go area at night.
But the urge to show her, I was the legendary Romeo was so much I felt like I could explode. So, I sent for a tin of biscuits then hurried to a butchery and bought two kilos of meat full of bones.
Thereafter, I called my mole at the hospital and asked him for some chloroform.
“Have you entered the Boda stealing business?” he asked, my answer to him was, “kind of.”
Anyways, I hurried home, roasted the meat and while at it, a small bottle of chloroform plus tin of nice biscuits were delivered. Time check was close to 7pm.
After roasting the bones, I took a shower, changed into black and set off. Going through maize gardens, I freaked out three couples at different locations that were bonking.
Each couple would run into disarray on hearing me approach. Probably thinking, I was the female’s hubby or parent. I too would jump out of my skin thinking they were dangerous beasts or night dancers.
After a spooky journey, I arrived at Esther’s home. I had been there several times on different missions so I knew which was which.
On sensing an unfamiliar scent, the three dogs swang into action. I served them the chloroform laced meat and minutes later put them to sleep. About 30 minutes later I texted Sam, begged him to tell Esther, I was waiting for her at the agreed spot.
Several minutes passed, and Sam came to confirm. On going back, he returned telling me how she was still taking a bath. “I hope your parents don’t catch me,” I said, fishing for his opinion. Sam replied that they had gone for night prayers at a fellow Christian’s home.
He once again thanked me for the minutes bundle I had gifted him with.
Esther came and said, “iwe embwa gwezirarumira busha!”
I replied saying “if being bitten by dogs is the price I have to pay for loving you, so be it.” Sam excused himself, leaving us to our privacy.
Next, I asked for the list of her ten commandments. But she was yet to write them down. That she had been very busy all day. She then wondered where the dogs had run off to. “Probably gone to see their girlfriends too,” I said
Next Esther told me how she didn’t love me and so, I shouldn’t waste my time on her. But if she didn’t love me, why had she taken a bath and changed clothes before coming to meet mwah. Of course, I didn’t have to ask that, I just said “You don’t have to love me. I will do the loving while as you will do the hating.”
“Hear him!” she kulembegerera. Next I told her, I had come for three things. “Which and what?” She demanded to know. “A list of your ten commandments, a hug and two kisses.” I have none of them being her answer.
“Didnt you hear Sevo say we should keep social distance?” she went on.
“Does he have a social distance from his wife?” I asked.
The answer to which was “of course that’s his wife!” On hearing that I was like, “as you’re mine.” “Since when? Don’t tie yourself to me!” she said.
I replied telling her how I and she have been in love with each other ever since we first saw each other but both lacked the courage to step up and confess it. But still, Esther denied having any love for me.
Thereafter she advised me to stop loving her because my wives would beat and kill her. On hearing that, I grabbed her arm, she tried freeing it, but the grip was so tight.
I declared her stronger and more powerful than her co-wives. I then forced a hug only to feel her trembling like she was naked at the North Pole.
I removed my jacket and made her wear it amidst protests. “Your problem is stubbornness!” I was accused. With that done, I decided to see if she would give me a kiss.
Well sure that if I asked she wouldn’t let me, I moved my hands to her head as if caressing. Distracted her focus asking how many children she would produce for me.
In no time, my hands were on her cheeks caressing them. Deep inside, I couldn’t believe this was the bird lots of guys had failed to nail. I dipped a hand into my pocket, pulled out a sweet unwrapped it and pushed it into Esther’s mouth.
And like possessed by a supernatural force, she didn’t resist. Once the sweet was in her mouth, my lips followed shortly. We kissed like long lost lovers.
I used that opportunity to scan her body. Putting an emphasis on the booty and breasts. Which felt bigger than they looked.
After enjoying the lips, I went for the breasts which tickled and made her titter. She reacted by moving backwards but was pressed against the jackfruit tree.
As my lips enjoyed the breasts, I moved my right hand to the Shangri-la. She tried stopping me but I was too powerful for her. “Stop! Am not wearing knickers,” she pleaded. But her pleas fell on deaf ears.
Mind you, every muscle in my horny body had erected rock hardness. Esther crossed her thighs trapping me down under.
Next was pulling her down for a missionary. Once again, Esther obeyed. And so without going into details, I deflowered her.
When I was done, I worried about people possibly finding me and so, I quickly handed her the tin of biscuits and sweets I had brought her. Begged her to visit me the following day.
Walking home, I couldn’t believe how easy Esther had been. Three weeks prior to Esther, I had wrestled my powerful Karamojong sister – in – law for her priced seal. Nitty-gritties of that are a tale for another time, shortly after swearing in.
Till then, I remain yours truly, Mr. Hyena.
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