Why do actors get paid more than 100 million dollars for servicing their friends’ wives whereas I only get tortured by kibokos from men whose wives I play with?
Sometimes, I am forced to make financial payments to these men to settle the matters. For example, when I was still a camera man in Busia, I serviced Ziphora, who was Tibesigwa’z wife, yet he was my friend. We even used to refer to each other as ‘brother’ because we both belonged to ‘Ngabi’ clan and he hailed from Kakumiro, which is part of Bunyoro. He was super naïve in the true sense of the word. He had married a Gishu belle, who from a distance could be mistaken for a goddess. Everything he did was so old.
Despite being in his late 20s, Tibesigwa preferred old music, on top of behaving like an old person. His wife Ziphora, liked me so much and whenever I chilled with them, she would be on my case, on top of dissing her husband in my presence. But those would make Tibesigwa laugh.
Being free with me, Ziphora would tell me things that even my girlfriend never did. Most times, I would be minding my camera business. But she would come to tell me of how her institution was itching and ask if I knew of any remedies.
That would almost give me a heart attack. I would bravely tell her to go and confide in her hubby if she really needed a solution for her problem. She concluded by asking me whether I knew herbs that would stop her itching.
One time, she came asking for my opinion about her assets.
I was like, “My….my!” this is because they were very soft. “Gwe kyana gwe, nga ogonda kabada!” I screamed. She asked me, “Does that mean it is tasty?” but before I could answer that, Ziphora asked another question.
“Belles with hard and soft assets, who do you prefer?” Of course I don’t discriminate between textures so I was like, “I really don’t know, I am not an expert.” I went on to tell her that in my opinion, I thought it depended on the constitution’s mechanism and spices, not assets.
I thought it would end there, but she went on to ask whether her constitution was tasteless. “How on earth can I tell, go ask Tibesigwa your hubby,” I said. She then responded by slapping me. “Mbadde simanyi nti gyali ndyoke mbuze gwe?” Ziphora asked. Mind you, those questions were being asked when I was just in the room behind my studio. She then ordered me to feel her constitution and give my opinion of it. “And don’t lie,” she cautioned. So I sat zero distance from her and pushed my hand between the pages of her constitution, so as to touch it.
Because I was not sure whether Ziphora wanted me to scratch, amend or just touch it. I pushed my fingers further in with intent to amend it. She went on to fall on her back in a ‘you can do more than that’ manner. After about three minutes, I suggested removing the constitutional covers altogether. She didn’t object. With the covers peeled away, I did serious lobbying and massaging and I must have flicked on some switch because she immediately ordered me to get down on it. We enjoyed ourselves as if it was a feast and after that Ziphora asked me, “so am I tasty?”
Of course I had to say ‘yes’ because that’s what she was. I felt like being sandwiched in warm slices of bread. “Ooooh, you are so godly,” I said as I rolled away. Ziphora then asked, “Are you done?” She was disappointed and still wanted more. She adjusted herself, took the matters into her hands and started making herself happy. I couldn’t resist but join her in another rap!
She rode me like a boda boda on a bumpy, muddy village road. Until that day, I had never known why Gishu belles were revered. Lots of girls had given me rides but none had ever done it like Ziphora. It all ended in double happiness after which she rested for an hour. She later left my studio praising me , because in me, she had found a true makanika. However, Ziphora had a persistent appetite for things. Each day, she would look for me so as to give me ko. Being new to me, I also enjoyed it. From doing it in bushes, alleys and lodges, Ziphora started coming to my place late in the night.
The couple lived a few blocks from my house. The first time, she came at midnight and assured me that her husband had slept like a corpse. She told me not to worry. “I have even put my knickers under his head, he can’t wake up until I remove them,” she assured me. She told me ‘mbu’ when a belle covers a man with knickers or puts them under his head while he sleeps, he can’t wake up until he removes them. She looked smart so I played along. The best part of my time with Ziphora was because she was not jealous of my other belles. For instance, if she knocked on the door and found me with another belle, she would leave and wait for her turn. But one night our luck ran out when Tibesigwa trailed her to my place. Before I could know, we were nabbed. Her hubby had mobilized over 100 boda boda guys armed with stick to beat me. Ooooh! I was beaten by the boda boda guys who accused me of touching Ziphora’s things whenever Tibesigwa was not around. By the time the Lc chairman cooled them, I had swallowed over 1000 kibokos, punches and kicks. I was bleeding. To settle the matter, I gave them my camera, 500k and my music system. About 50% of the times I have serviced friends’ wives, we get nabbed and I pay fines. But some men do it and end up being paid for doing it. Where could I be going wrong?
Till then, I remain yours truly, Mr. Hyena