You can’t hit a home run without rounding first base. Or at least I never have. Hell, I don’t even think Derek Jeter has. And call me old-fashioned, but I wouldn’t want to, despite Chloe Anderson’s assertion on Modern Man that women assign a much higher value to kissing prowess than their male counterparts.
Don’t sell us short, Ms. Anderson. We too enjoy a good hard kiss in the rain, or with our backs pressed against a barfront wall, or naked and shivering in post-coital clench.
While women may be more sensitive than us in some areas, the lips are not one of them.
Underestimations of our fondness for the lip-lock aside, Anderson goes on to present a comprehensive how-to guide on the five kisses every guy should master.
I would go a step further and de-gender-alize things: let’s call them the five kisses everyone should master.
1) The First Kiss
Chloe says: “Brush your lips softly against hers before you start with any serious tongue action.”
I say: Touch his/her face (lightly). Doubling down on physical contact will intensify sensations for both of you.
2) The Public Kiss
I say: You can occasionally surpass G-rated — just make it brief. A stolen kiss in a dimly-lit bar that involves some darting tongue and perhaps a lingering nibble of the lip on the pull-away is a great way to hint at greater things to come later on.
3) The “I Want You” Kiss
Chloe says: “Push her up against a wall, run your hands through her hair, and press your tongue into hers with purpose.”
I say: The onus always seems to be on the guy to make this kind of aggressive play. I cannot impress enough on you how hot it is when a girl flips the gender script and takes control from time to time.
4) The Sex Kiss
Chloe says: “I recommend softly pressing your lips up against her the moment you enter her, and then backing off for a minute or so while you two find your groove before kissing her again.”
I say: Try the phantom kissing game. What the heck does that mean? Open your mouth and hover in as if you are going to lay one on him/her. At the last second, pull back, leaving contrails of dewy breath behind to suggest the kiss that almost was. Hopefully your partner will take a cue and do the same. It becomes a game of chicken. Continue the charade till someone gets too worked up and simply has to kiss the other. This is great during pre-coital makeouts, too, but it’s especially awesome mid-deed.
5) The 10,000th Kiss
Chloe says: “I am personally a fan of an old-fashoned makeout session that only goes about as far as second base.”
I say: I mean, we’re not going to object if it perhaps goes to third, rounds third, sets its sights on home, lowers its shoulders for a play at the plate … Wait, we are still talking about the baseball game that’s on in the background, right?